Down

I warned you it could come, and I can feel it is almost here. I am fighting against it, but getting really tired and not sure how much longer I can hang on. I'm gonna lose it. I don't know if its because my birthday is coming up soon or that now that there is no school, gymnastics, MOPS and things like that that I just have more free time to dwell on things or what it is, but I want to scream, cry, kick yell and ask WHY GOD WHY and beg him to hurry up, I can't do it anymore, I can't wait any longer. Clearly God's timing can't be right, he has no idea what he is doing. I want my child and I want him/her NOW.
Notice I said I want to, not that I am going to. I know better. I know he does know what he is doing, I know that he brought us to this agency, I know he knows the child he has for us already. I may not like it at the moment and that even though I may lose it soon, he'll be there to pick me up.