Orphan Sunday

November 7th is Orphan Sunday.
This is a time for you and your church or organization to promote orphan care and adoption. If you want to celebrate this event and encourage others to care for "the least of these" go to http://www.orphansunday.org/ to learn what tools and resources are available. If you are interested in a volunteer or staff member from Nightlight to give a presentation to your church or group, send an email to laura@nightlight.org

I can't stop the tears

Adoption is a roller coaster ride and a test of faith. To say the least. As you can see from my posts....I have been going up the coaster track to a plateau that I rode a little while and now..what goes up, must come down. I am plummeting at the speed of sound today. I actually want this coaster to crash at the bottom, or my seat belt to fail so I can be ejected from my seat.

My friend that works with the potential birthmother is being moved to another center and therefore the weekly contact with that family will be gone.

I was greeted with a bill from my adoption agency and home study agency this morning. I need $898 by November 1st. (insert boisterous laughter)

I feel like I am "wasting" a grand that I don't have, on a baby I will never have

I feel that I KNOW I am not finished having children!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I feel that I am the only one in this family that feels this way right now.

I also know that although it appears all hope is lost or I failed the faith test. I haven't. I am bawling while I write this, sure. I am broken at the moment..yes. But I believe in a God that will carry me through. I can't walk this today. He will carry me though.

Surprisingly feeling "whatev"

Being a mentor/friend to a teen mom(s) I get sucked into the lingo from talking to them all the time. Sometimes it just slips out...hence the title of this post. HA.

Anyway, I checked in with my friend tonight about the birthmother she knows. Where she works and has contact with this birthmom is taking a 2 week break. So now, we are looking at October 6th until we may hear something again.

Although a little alarmed because Kevin's cut off date is just 2 weeks after the 6th. I am surprisingly whatev about this. It is not for me to worry about. It is for God to handle. He knows the desires of my heart. I give it all to Him.

Waiting

We have been contacted about a possible adoption. Possible meaning........... I don't know. Its very complicated. We have been told to pray and wait cautiously. So, its what I am doing. Praying and waiting cautiously. I ask that you do the same for us as well. PLEASE ;)

The birth mother has a 2.5 year old daughter that her parents adopted. Her parents have 2 daughters in their 20's as well as two 7 year old twins and their adopted 2.5 year old. They are nearing 50 and really do not want another child. They have told their daughter they prefer she give this child up for adoption to another family but that it is her decision and if she chooses to "keep" her baby, they will adopt that baby as well. The birth father also wants to have this baby adopted.
The birth mother is in counselling to help her make the decision that is right for her. I am very thankful she is in counselling. This is a very hard place to be. I worry for her, that she is feeling alone..with everyone around her wanting her to give this baby up for adoption. I worry she doesn't feel supported and that her heart is breaking. I can't imagine what it is like to be in her shoes. She apparently got pregnant on purpose and no one knows why exactly. More attention? Second chance at "getting it right"? Everyone involved has their own opinions, but no one feels she is capable of parenting. That must make her feel loved too.
I feel guilty in a way, about praying that God give us this baby. I know if my prayer is answered a family suffers loss. I know if our prayer isn't answered we suffer. Adoption is hard all around.
For as hard as adoption is, it is equally or more so a miraculous blessing. It is something that is not fully understood unless you are in it.
This family is a wonderful family from what we have been told...I agree, they do sound wonderful! If this were to work out, it would be an open adoption, and I think that all of the lives involved would be enriched by getting to know each other.
So, if you think of us. Pray. Pray for the birth mother, pray for us.

P.S. We do not know when the baby is due, but we do know its a................................GIRL!

All done

It has been a very, very busy summer. All work and no play actually. Quite sad about that, but we did get one week in Canada and that was wonderful. That coupled with the fact that there just has not been anything happening with the adoption is the reason that there have not been many posts here.

A few weeks ago we got another email from our agency saying that they received our home study! ;) Even though we could have been profiled to any birthmother without that, it is a nice feeling to know that we are done. Completely a paper ready family. Nothing else to worry about or wait on. Nice.

Prayers

Below is a copy of a part of an email I received from our agency today :

We have had several birth mothers contact the agency in the last couple of weeks. Summer has been historically slow but activity usually picks up in the fall. Please be praying for the young women who are in decision making counselling that they can make an educated choice for their unborn babies.

Adoption is hard. Its my personal opinion is that it is hardest on the birth mothers. All I have to do is wait. I have done it before, and it trained me, broke me in, grew my faith. Waiting is sooo not a big deal anymore, especially if you are comfortable knowing God has it all. Why do I need to worry and wonder? That is much too stressful. Nothing that worrying or wondering is going to do except but give me a headache. These young women may not even know God. How do endure something like adoption without Him......devastating!

If you would, please pray for these girls. Not only that they would make the choices that are right for them and their babies, be that to parent or to adopt, but that they would feel sure and at peace in their decisions and that they may know the love that God has for them.

Tidbits of excitement

Yesterday in the mail (at OUR house) Kevin's fingerprint clearances!! Wa-Hoo! At least they came to the right place ;) So, I will go get it copied, send the original to the home study social worker and send the copy to our adoption agency. Yay, another small thing accomplished.

Also, we got a letter from the agency Saturday saying that they now also provide online profiles for FREEEE on their website. They have a waiting families link that potential birth moms can click on to see pictures and information of hopeful adoptive parents. I personally think that is the way to go. I know it is more likely a teen will turn to the Internet when she is questioning her options before she will pick up the phone and call an agency. I wrote up everything our agency wanted for the online profile and emailed it along with pictures Wednesday. I am still waiting to hear if they find it all acceptable or not. I am very excited that our agency is doing this.

Maybe I'll just get a puppy..........

In other news, I called our social worker that is doing our home study today. I still had not received my FBI fingerprint clearances, it dawned on me that perhaps they were sent to her, rather than to me and sure enough that is exactly what happened! Everyone is happy that they are back. They should have been sent to me but I don't care about incidentals right now. Just glad we have another small thing accomplished.

Down

I warned you it could come, and I can feel it is almost here. I am fighting against it, but getting really tired and not sure how much longer I can hang on. I'm gonna lose it. I don't know if its because my birthday is coming up soon or that now that there is no school, gymnastics, MOPS and things like that that I just have more free time to dwell on things or what it is, but I want to scream, cry, kick yell and ask WHY GOD WHY and beg him to hurry up, I can't do it anymore, I can't wait any longer. Clearly God's timing can't be right, he has no idea what he is doing. I want my child and I want him/her NOW.
Notice I said I want to, not that I am going to. I know better. I know he does know what he is doing, I know that he brought us to this agency, I know he knows the child he has for us already. I may not like it at the moment and that even though I may lose it soon, he'll be there to pick me up.

Cute

Not adoption related, but too funny not to share.
On the way home from school today Rachel talked my ear off with constant questions, which is what she does every time we are in the car. Non-stop questions! (or non stop joke telling as written about on my other blog about her)
Today her questions were about fleas. Why do they bite, what do they eat, what is their reason for being and on and on and on......*exhausted sigh from Mommy*
My answer was that although God made everything for a reason, I had absolutely no idea what the purpose of a flea was, they must have been good for something at some point, but I don't know what their point is now.
She very matter of fact-ly states that fleas exist because God's Mommy told Him NO FLEAS ALLOWED but that God forgot His Mommy told Him that so he made fleas anyway.
;-)

Checking in

Today I called our agency just to check in. It's been awhile since I last spoke to them when comparing it to our other adoption agency that called or emailed us once a week. Today my case worker told me that they leave all the contact up to the adoptive couple because for some of them, a weekly call with "sorry, we have nothing for you." is hard. Fair enough, makes sense. She also told me that it has been unusually slow with only 1 African American situation in the past few months. Ok, WHAT? Its NOT A SITUATION is a birth mother and her child! I was a little shocked by that statement.
We are still waiting for our fingerprints to come back. Tomorrow it will be one month. It is only supposed to take about 2 weeks. There is speculation that fingerprints are being held up due to the fact that all the Census workers have to be cleared first. Unlike our previous adoption, waiting on the fingerprints to be back does nothing to hold up our adoption process. We can still be profiled to potential birth mother's while we wait on the fingerprints. So that is a huge load off our shoulders!

Sill slow

Everything is really s.l.o.w!!

I am not getting discouraged, but I feel it trying to creep on me hard.

The coffee sales started off OK when I 1st posted about it and now it has come to a complete stop. We have sold a total of 17 bags. I can never stop saying how thankful we are to have found this organization because of how it benefits the children in Ethiopia as well as our domestic adoption and I can never stop being thankful for the sales we have made. Humbled.
I am not a pushy person when it comes to this type of thing, and don't know what else to do to promote Just Love Coffee. I have told everyone I know to tell everyone they know. That's as far as I can go comfortably. Nothing much else I can do anyway ;)

As for the adoption process itself. Still, nothing. Just waiting. I wish I had more of an update for you.

In other news. I had not heard from they agency we are Foster Parents through for a few months. That is odd to say the least don't you think!? I called CYS upset we were treated that way and asked them if they knew anything about our agency. They did. They told me THEY CLOSED!!!!!!
They shut down due to lack of funds and never told us!!! WHAT!??!!?!??!?!?!?!
CYS apologized profusely and could only assume we were not told because we had no foster children at the time that we fell through the cracks. CYS also told me that because we are in the process of adopting, it is a conflict of interest and we can't do fostering either. Soo here we are with a lonely and BORED 4 year old, a home with an empty bedroom waiting for a child, and hearts with room for another child..and we can't.

Hoping for some progress to share with you soon, but for now, we wait.
Don't worry, we are good at it. Rachel's adoption took 2.5 years. This couple of months stuff is nothin! ;)
Remind me of that later.........
ha ha

Hurry up and wait

Sorry it has been a little while since the last post. There just is not much to say right now. The adoption process involves alot of hurrying up and then waiting. You have to get things going as soon as you possibly can because each paper you need takes weeks or months to get competed or mailed back to you, whatever the case may be. I was very efficient in the beginning and got most things finished right away, so now.................we wait :)

I had my fingerprinting appointment today and Kevin will go for his tomorrow. We each still have to write a statement of faith, do a financial worksheet and get the medical papers filled out. There is not a specific time line to get these completed because as I mentioned before we can be shown to birth mothers without these, we just have to have them in once we are chosen by a birth mother so that the adoption can be finalized. What a nice change from our previous adoption this is!!!!

We just plan to keep a steady pace, get the rest of the things finished as we can, but not stress about it.

Insanity

Monday. House is ''friend clean" [ I have different tiers of cleanliness ;-) ]

While Rachel and I are at the gym, the social worker calls and leaves a message saying she has to re-schedule and she doesn't know when she will be able to come again with Easter coming etc. *bangs head against wall* I take it alot better than I would have in the past, but I have been through this before. It isn't a matter of if something will go wrong, it's when. So, I was upset, but pretty much just let it roll off me. Nothing I can do. But wait! There is something I can do! Annoy with phone calls! YEAH, that's what I'll do :) I call them back, she isn't available, I leave a message, wait 45 mins and call again. Point being she can come the next day at 11 a.m. I say yes, because she just has to get here! 2 problems :
1 ) I have a dentist appointment 45 mins away
2) Rachel has school.
I call the dentist and tell them they are gonna have to rush me through, they promise they can and they delivered! Yay-hoo.

I had to leave the social worker in my house while I went to pick up Rachel from school but I didn't care. I have no issues with privacy anymore after all I went through being Canadian coming to the States, adopting internationally and fostering. "They" know more about me than I do.

She stays all of 40 mins maybe a little less. Pretty painless. We are having issues getting our fingerprint records from the foster agency, so we decided just to do them again. So, I have to fill out a financial paper, medical paper and do the fingerprints again and that is IT for paperwork! TOTALLY done paperwork!!! WOOHOO. WOW. SOO much easier than the last time and no pressure waiting for these to be completed because our agency will show us to potential birth parents before all this is in. I am afraid to say this is way too easy, so I won't say it. ;) I will just enjoy it for now because there are bound to be hiccups along the way...

this and that

I was over at Rachel's blog poking around...I never read it after I post things and I thought it would be fun to start reading the very first few entries since we are starting adoption again, it would be interesting to see how things have changed and or stayed the same.

I laughed at a couple of posts I wrote about not being able to shave or watch TV or read or clean or anything but chase, damage control, chase. LOL

I found a post about us wanting to adopt again from December 2006. I was going to put it here for you, but the can't get it to cut and paste. Maybe tomorrow ;)

I finished the scrapbook Friday! Ok, good news bad news there. I did it all day long. Rachel watched A.L.O.T of tv that day, and I hate hate hate that...but I told myself that once in awhile a day like that won't kill her, but I still don't like it. If only she would just play by herself for 5 mins. She of course only does that for her Dad. Even with all my suggestions and getting a game out or pointing out some books etc. *sigh* But, I got it done and I will never have to do it again so woohooo for something crossed off the list.

Our social worker comes Monday at 11. Anyone want to pop by and entertain Rachel while I clean the house?? I haven't really done that yet because let's face it, it's pointless until Monday morning! At least with my child and all these stinky cats it is. I am not anywhere near as concerned about this as I was our last home study. It is what it is. If I get around to dusting great, if I don't because its nice outside and we go for a walk instead then we do. I would like to have the piles of stuff designated for the attic put away but the rest, whatev ;p

A mini update

I am about halfway finished the scrapbook. It's been fun (and annoying at times). I am going to work on it from 10-midnight tonight and then finish up Friday so I can get it overnighted Saturday to arrive Monday.

I have not started the letter. I have googled examples. YIKES is all I have to say. I have to finish it this weekend so we can still be shown to birthmothers Monday. UGH

I went to Babies R Us today to look for a baby gift for my cousin, to look into what stroller if any will fit in my teeency weeency little trunk and also just to wander around and look at newborn supplies since I am clueless as to what I even need. I left with 3 things from there.
1) Undies for Rachel - I am sure you needed to know that.
2) An overwhelming sense of dread. Newborns need SOOO MUCH stuff and I don't have the slightest clue what to do with a newborn or the mountains of stuff. When you are pregnant your Doctor tells you things and when you deliver you aren't allowed to leave the hospital until you can give it a bath. Well, what is there for us adoptive Momma's???? I don't want to get the Idiots Guide To Newborns. I really don't, but I don't even know how to give a newborn a bath! ;)
3) A job application for Babies R US.

OH! Its 10:01 I'm late ;) Gotta get to work.
Bye

Scrapbook

Well, I still have not written the birth mother letter. I know how I feel and what I want to say, but getting it out of my head and onto paper is the problem. Something that has plagued me since elementary school. It'll come and when it does, it will be great. (or just OK) ;p

I started the scrapbook. The challenge there is working with 81/2 x 11 (SOO SMALL) when scrapbooking is typically 12x12. Also, it is recommended to use approx. 30 pictures. I went through my digital photo library and placed my order on snapfish. I narrowed it down to 106 pictures! It's not that I can't make a decision it's that I just take way too many pictures!

Papers

The papers that were to come Monday or Tuesday actually arrived Saturday! She sent them out Friday at 430 and shazzaaam they come Saturday. Neat.

I am finished everything except the birth mother letter (Rachel's was easy for me - maybe because it was international?) but this one...I can't get past Dear. TOTALLY BLANK!!!

Next up to complete is the family scrapbook album. Thankfully I am a scrapbooker so putting it together will not be hard or take long, but choosing the pictures could take a long time ;)

My goal is to have the letter and the album to the agency by the 29th.

Talk about speeding things up!.....

I called the agency again today. I left them alone for 4 days. That's pretty good for me :) It's Friday and I couldn't bear going the entire weekend not knowing if all my references made it back to them yet. I called at 3pm. She still had not checked the mail today.

*AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH*

She did say that she had already received 2 of the required 5 and that if she had just one more she would be OK with sending out the next round of papers. While I was talking to her, one of my friends/reference texted me with a question about the forms she had to fill out. I told the agency this and we joked about how awesome technology is these days. She then says, "you know what? I'll just put everything you need in the mail today before I go home so you can get to work on it Monday or Tuesday at the latest. Your friend that texted you will be the 3rd reference and I'm sure there are more waiting for me when I check the mail."

*WOOOHOOO*

Here is where my shock at speeding things up comes in. I explained to my caseworker how I am having a really hard time getting ahold of the social worker that did our home study for Rachel's adoption. That home study is 3 years old. They expire every 3 years. Nice right? Yes. Lovely. $400 bucks in my opinion that does not need spent because it is not even technically 3 years old yet. Sometime in April it is, but because of this or that lame butt law, we have to have a new one because by the time we had a baby it would be over 3 years old. I am rambling. I am good at that.

Agency says to me, as soon as we know she has been there, she doesn't even have to have the report in to us yet, but just as soon as we know she has been to your house we can start profiling you to birth mother's. That's right people....as early as MARCH 29th we could be shown to a birth mother!!!!!!!!!!!

This is just hard to fathom for me. Rachel's adoption took 2 and a half YEARS. This one so far will be a MONTH. A month. Now of course we can sit in a file cabinet and wait to be chosen for a year. That is entirely possible, and probable. But to be from decision to start the adoption process to being in a file cabinet waiting to be chosen only taking a month is just plain...insane!

PLEASE drink your coffee faster and order more. lol. The large lump sum payment is due 30 days after the submission of round 2 paper work. A.k.a the 29th

Thirsty??
;-)

coffee sales...

...aren't happening. :( I thought it was a wonderful fundraiser but apparently it is not. Yet. We have sold 5 bags of coffee since the store opened. Still.
So between those bags and other donations we have $73 towards the adoption.
Very grateful and humbled.
Slow and steady wins the race. It'll get there.

s-l-o-w

I called the adoption agency today to check in. They still had not mailed out our references because they had been without power for 4 days. Why you need your power on to stick a stamp on an envelope I'll never know. After a few polite complaints from me about wasting time and things she says that we can do all our references through email! Well TA-DA why didn't we do that in the 1st place? I don't think many people know how to put pen to paper anymore anyway. I know my handwriting is HORRIBLE now. It used to be sooo beautiful. Like a work of art. Right Mom? :)
So that is where we are now....email references. That should help speed things up.

Clarification

1) Although the coffee sales support our adoption as well as orphans in Ethiopia, we are not adopting from Ethiopia. We are doing a domestic adoption this time and the agency only works with crisis pregnancy centers and women's shelters within Pennsylvania.

2) NO. We are not keeping the baby's name Fuchsia! ;)

3) A link to the store www.justlovecoffee.com/fuschia

Introduction

Welcome!



This blog has been set up for you to keep track of our adoption progress. That way, you can just stop by here to check up on things rather than me bothering you with an email every time something happens.



A little background:



When we adopted Rachel, we never planned on her being an only child. We were just not sure how a sibling would come into our family. We became licensed foster parents with the option of foster to adopt. We received a call about adopting a 3 year old boy. We said yes, lined up help, went shopping at a consignment shop for him and then *poof* as fast as the call came for him. Another came basically saying, "oops never mind."



There was a point when we were talking about whether or not to go back to the Dr. and go through all kinds of medical procedures and tests to get pregnant. That really isn't for us, and my husband said, "well, miracles do happen." Then I spent the better part of a year thinking I was pregnant every.single.day. I mean EVERY.SINGLE.DAY. This little pain, that little touch of sick feeling. Consumed me. I wanted to be pregnant not for reasons most people want to get pregnant but rather because it was the fastest cheapest way for us to have a child. I've always been a little weird. Its OK :) While thinking I was pregnant everyday, I was also thinking the phone would ring from our foster agency. To those of you that know our adoption story with Rachel, you know when I was anguishing over adoption vs. pregnant with her that God spoke to me and there was no doubt that adoption was for us. Don't get me wrong, there have been a couple of times, yes literally 2 where I wanted a biological child but God reminded me again that genetics is not why I fell in love with Kevin nor was genetics what matters when we pass things onto our children. Its character, values, beliefs, morals etc.



All of this happened over a span of about 2 years. About 3 weeks ago the topic of a sibling came up again because I heard "by complete accident" a commercial on the radio for an adoption agency that sounded like it would actually work for us. This time the conversation was much different. Kevin's door was CLOSED. NO MORE CHILDREN. THE END. A not very welcome birthday happens this year and he was determined NO BABIES at that age. He didn't know that every.single.day I thought I was pregnant or waiting for the phone to ring for the last year so I felt crushed in more than one way. I have never felt such pain before. I was broken.



I prayed that if one child was the way for us for the desire for more children to go away because I couldn't handle it anymore. I also prayed that if a child was to come to our family that it would be his idea. I knew that if I opened my mouth to say anything more at all his answer would be something to the effect of whatever makes you happy. Just so he didn't have to deal with it anymore. I didn't want it to be my decision. I wanted it to be what God wants for us! I also had friends pray and a super sweet much needed prayer at my MOPS book study group.



Ten days goes by of much of the same. We get a sitter and go out to dinner to talk (first time in a YEAR btw) we discuss everything. All the fears, all the reasons why not. All the reasons to do it. Spent a few more days waiting and praying and then he says OK. I have never been one to sit around. He said OK and I immediately took action.



Here is our timeline so far :



Thursday February 25th Decision is made to adopt



Friday February 26th Application is mailed in



Thursday March 4th Applications for clearances are mailed in



Somewhere between last Thursday and this Thursday I found an amazing organization to fund raise with..you all know about that or you would not be here. :)



As of today we have sold 5 bags of coffee. I think its been a week. We are SO THANKFUL to you for helping our adoption AND helping orphans in Ethiopia get a school!! We don't get to know who has purchased, just how many bags of coffee. So I can't thank you personally, just know we appreciate it more than you will ever know! :)